The Words You Should Never Write in Your Memoir

Avoid at all cost!

Writing your memoir is an artistic as well as deeply personal endeavor. It can be one of the hardest genres to write, but is probably the second most popular for first-time writers (after fiction).

Memoir allows you to tell your story and inspire your readers. A lot of writers write teaching memoirs that share their experiences while giving advice or sharing tips.

I love working with memoir and teaching memoir authors and find it so satisfying to help writers bring their stories to life. And over the years, I’ve identified some common mistakes that writers make in this genre.

Missing Descriptions

Writing memoir is challenging because you have to share what you experienced in a way the reader can deeply relate to. An important way to get your reader involved in your book is through descriptions.

When you are telling your story, bring the reader into the scene with you. Tell them what you saw, heard, touched, smelled, and tasted. Help them to really BE in the moment with you as much as possible.

This is what gives your book depth and resonance. It brings your experiences alive for the reader.

I find that some writers need to write what happened and get it on the page and then can go back and weave in the descriptions later. Sometimes the story is so loud in your head that you just need to get it on the page and you can enhance it later.

Lack of Perspective

The whole purpose of a memoir or a teaching memoir is for the reader to learn something, to grow, or to feel something. You trigger that by telling your story, but for it to be most effective, there has to be some level of introspection that springs from where you are now, looking back on where you were and what you went through.

The goal is to help your reader see what you experienced through your eyes at the time, but use your current level of knowledge and experience to tell the story in a way so that the lessons are evident.

You don’t want to beat the reader over the head with it. You should aim for subtle.

This requires you to be of two minds when you are writing. You have to go back in time and relive what happened. But you also have to be here today, knowing what you know with the wisdom you have today. Both perspectives are necessary.

Words to Avoid

Whatever you do, please do not write “I remember…” in your memoir. The entire thing is your memories. When you say “I remember…” it pulls the reader out of the story and reminds them that it’s past and not really happening in front of their eyes. You don’t want that disconnect to happen if you can avoid it.

Keep them in the moment. Keep the story flowing.

In My World

Life has been a little crazy lately. My husband and I helped move our son cross-country (the 8th move for a child we have assisted with in 10 years), which involved a too-small Uhaul necessitating a trailer, a car that broke down halfway and could not be fixed quickly and thus was trailered by a second Uhaul we had to rent. However, that trailer had a flat which we had to take to another location to be repaired. All of this put our son a day behind us which meant we had to supervise the movers unloading and then try to unpack the essentials. We were also travelling with our son’s two guinea pigs who spent most of the trip in the middle of the front seat of the Uhaul we were driving.

Once he was in place, we detoured to spend two nights in Maine to recover before heading home, but I managed to pick up some kind of virus which resulted in blinding headaches and exhaustion. Four days after getting home I got back on a plane to go be with our daughter for a medical procedure. While I was gone, my husband came down with a high fever and pneumonia. I came home a day early to try to get him back on his feet.

So, August was not a quiet month around here.

Obsessed with…

In August, I spent a lot of time on planes, in Uhauls, in hotel rooms, and in waiting rooms, which meant I read and watched a lot of shows.

I loved Park Avenue by Renee Ahdieh, which has a fun twist. I started Robin by Dave Itzkoff, a fantastic biography about Robin Williams. I haven’t finished it yet because it is loooonnnnggg. But I am enjoying it.

I was trying hard not to laugh out loud on the plane while watching Leanne Morgan’s Netflix special Leanne. It was so fun. I started the new Project Runway and finished The Buccaneers, And Just Like That, Dexter Resurrection, and The Gilded Age. I also caught up on Back to the Frontier. I tried The Hunting Wives, but didn’t really get into it.

Good Goods

Since I spent a lot of time packing, unpacking, and moving boxes, I’m going to share my must-haves for moving.

First of all, do not mess around with tape for your boxes. Skip the brown packing tape. You want Scotch Heavy Duty Packaging tape, which is clear. Have several Sharpies for labelling boxes. Label what is in the box and what room it goes in.

Be sure to have a roll of clear plastic moving wrap. You wrap this around furniture to protect it from stains and scratches. You can cover lamps and lamp shades as well.

Make sure you buy a mattress protector for moving your mattress. If you’re renting a Uhaul you get a discount on boxes if you order them from there, AND you can return any you do not use.

Create a bag or box that gets loaded LAST, which has toilet paper, hand soap, paper towels, scissors, some kind of cleaning spray, and garbage bags.

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